im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
