Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
