The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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