My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
