He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
