the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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