I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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