I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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