Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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