i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize