And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
