It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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