There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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