An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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