I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
