Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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