I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
