I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
