Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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