I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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