Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
