I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
