This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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