I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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