me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
