Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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