question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
