Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
