I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
