watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
