Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
