wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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