literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
