If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
