i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
