Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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