i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
