I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
