I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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