Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
