I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
