what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
