Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
