I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
