Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
please come you make the beer taste better
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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