Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
