If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize