I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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