i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
