what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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