How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
