I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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