it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
