woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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