I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
