I hate your face
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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