If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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