been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize