I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
