everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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