Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
