hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
