He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All I want is dick and wine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
