ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize