there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
