Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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