I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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