im about as happy as oj after his trial
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
