I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
