oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
