I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
3 2 1 whiskey
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
