don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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