they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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