Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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