he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
