apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
MIDGETS
????
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
