Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
