So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
