why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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