put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
