trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
