I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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