If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
