So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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