ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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