How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
