I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize