I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
