Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize