Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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