hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
